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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23206276">Just between friends.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus'>espiritus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Flirting, Denial of Feelings, Dry Sex, F/M, Feelings Realization, Friends With Benefits, Insomnia, Mild Smut, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, Pining, Romance-ish, Sexual Fantasy, fucked if I know, it came from the NaNo slush pile, these two morons were made for each other, they just haven't realized it yet</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:47:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23206276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/espiritus/pseuds/espiritus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Deacon can't sleep, so Von offers to, uh, help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deacon/Female Sole Survivor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Just between friends.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Guess who lost her job to the pandemic? This girl right here!</p><p>Chances are you'll be seeing more of me for a while. And I've missed Von &amp; friends while working on <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/19419439">Ruby's descent into madness</a>, so here we are.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a quiet night at the West Everett Estates. The rest of Von's party have taken up in one of the little cabins- they've killed all the super mutants, and Von herself has offered to take the first watch while her friends get some sleep.</p><p>Inside the cabin, Cait and MacCready are snoring loudly. But Deacon lies on the couch, his eyes wide open. He’s thinking too much about the little things and, every time he starts to drift off, something startles him awake. He's tried everything- whiskey, cigarettes, even a vial of Calmex he stole from Von's med kit... But sleep is still elusive, and he doesn’t think he could if he wanted to- maybe he should just relieve Von of her guard duties and let her rest while he keeps watch instead.</p><p>He looks out the cabin window to where Von has set up her post. It's dark out, but the light from the fire pit illuminates her face, making her eyes look even greener. She’s beautiful and kind, a combination that he didn’t think was possible in this fucked-up world. But she’s not soft- she defends her own with the same fierceness Desdemona does, and there’s not a line she wouldn’t cross, if it meant protecting him and Cait and Mac from the rest of the world. She would die for them, if it came to it, and it’s only as the thought crosses his mind that he realizes he’d do the same for her.</p><p>Von is the first person he’s been close to, in a very long time. She’s brave and brilliant, though not conceited about it; she keeps her feelings hidden in the closet, but he knows she cares about what happens to him, and he trusts her with his deepest secrets- he hasn’t told her about Barbara yet, but he will, in due course. </p><p>For a moment, he imagines kissing her, but he stops this thought in its tracks. Agents aren’t supposed to develop feelings for each other: it’s dangerous, and she’d probably punch him in the face for even suggesting it. But a little harmless fantasy can’t hurt; it’s just a fantasy. And maybe he’ll finally get some sleep after all.</p><p>He glances quickly around the cabin, making damn sure that the others really are asleep before unzipping his pants. He’s already standing at attention, hard as a rock- no surprise there, really. So he closes his eyes and imagines that it’s her hands, not his, on his cock; maybe she'd use her mouth too, that infernal red lipstick leaving a trail of her every movement like red rail signs. And what a goddamned sight it would be. </p><p>Von isn’t that kind of girl, of course. She’s composed and calculated, her every move strategic. And, though she takes care of her own, she looks out for herself first- he respects that, because she's only looking out for the person she trusts most. And she does a very good job of it, though he wonders what would happen between them, if he ever caught her with her guard down.</p><p>He’s getting close now, and he purses his lips in a thin line to keep from making any noises that might wake the others. But then, just when he thinks he’s found the perfect rhythm, the door opens and Von herself walks in. Deacon scrambles to cover himself and pretends to be asleep. But Von doesn't buy it, and it shows on her face.</p><p>“Well, shit," he blurts out. "This is awkward.”</p><p>Von shrugs, her hair moving with the rest of her as it hangs in a loose ponytail near the base of her neck. “Not really,” she answers, matter-of-factly. “Everyone does it."</p><p>He stares pointedly at her. “Everyone?"</p><p>But, as usual, Von either ignores or simply misses the implication, and she sits down beside him on the couch. “Trouble sleeping?”</p><p>Deacon nods. “Yeah, I guess. That’s why I… you know.”</p><p>She nods her understanding, in the same clinical way Doc Carrington does when addressing a patient. But the next words out of her mouth catch him off-guard. “Want a hand?”</p><p>“What? A- are you asking me if I want you to, uh…?” </p><p>He gestures uncomfortably to the blankets draped over his waist and, when she nods, he's slightly taken aback. "Yeah, sure," he says, grateful that it's too dark for her to see how red his face is. "I mean, you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with... I'm sorry. I'm done making this weird now, I prom-"</p><p>He stops talking the minute her hands disappear into the space between them, and he’s surprised by how warm and soft they are. She’s good at this. Too good. And he wishes she’d do it every night, even though he knows it's likely transactional for her. Von doesn’t do feelings; she doesn't trust anyone enough for that. But the way she strokes up and down his shaft, using the noises he's making to guide her movements... there's affection in her touch. They're more than just friends, even if she won't admit it to herself. </p><p>A few seconds later, she surprises him yet again by climbing into his lap, slowly but firmly grinding her hips against his. Deacon slides his arms around her waist, and one of his hands grabs her ass, pulling her closer as he buries his face in the crook of her neck. Her hair smells like wine and smoke and rainwater, and the warm, dull ache in his chest spreads through his entire body. Then, before he can stop himself, he kisses her neck, her shoulder, the way he wishes he could kiss her mouth. There’s no way she’ll ever let her guard down enough for him to love her, but he’ll take what he can get.</p><p>There’s no sex, and no mouth kissing, just the two of them pressed together in a perfect juxtaposition of her pain and his. But, as he comes, she covers his mouth with hers, swallowing any sound that might wake the others. Deacon’s head falls back against the couch as he tries to breathe; his limbs feel heavy, but weightless, all at once, and he knows that sleep will be easy now.</p><p>He feels her move away from him but, as she stands, he grabs her hand and pulls her back onto the couch beneath the blankets. “No,” he insists, in a stage whisper that nearly becomes a whimper instead. “Stay with me.” </p><p>“But what if-” </p><p>He knows exactly what she’s about to say, that she can’t fall asleep when she’s supposed to be on watch, or some such law-abiding bullshit. But he doesn’t care- all he wants is for her to share his space, just a little longer, and he's surprised when she doesn't withdraw from the embrace. He's been so desperate for closeness that's more than just physical, but the only person he wants to be close to would have none of it, if she knew the truth.</p><p>“Hey, Whisper… Can I say something?”</p><p>She nods- or, rather, he thinks she does. It’s too dark to tell, though he feels her hair against his cheek. “Go ahead.”</p><p>But he suddenly clams up, not sure what to say to her. There’s no way to say <i>you’re gorgeous and I want to do this all the time</i> without making it weird. So he keeps it to himself for now; maybe, one day, she'll get used to the idea of their friendship having more benefits than just the physical ones. But she's just delaying the inevitable- even if that day isn't today, some things are just meant to be.</p>
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